Thinking About Donor Eggs?
Are you thinking about donor eggs? If so, this is a great starting point in order to make the best decision for you.
I have explored the topic of whether to use donor eggs or not in another post which will help you navigate your journey with more clarity and confidence. Whereas this video and article below identifies the very first step to take when thinking about donor eggs.
It was inspired by Greta, one of the wonderful women in our tribe, who wrote to me the following:
"I am thinking about getting donor eggs.
I am 44. What do you think Deirdre?"
There is a lot to consider when thinking about donor eggs Greta. What comes up for me when I read your question though, is that it sounds like you are caught up in your head - trying to figure this out. It makes sense that you would do that, but discovering the right answer for you, Greta, will not be an intellectual experience.
Allow me to explain. In our patriarchal, male world, we are taught that thinking is how we come to make the best decisions. Hence your question and the emphasis on that.
But while the thinking process is really valuable, it is a male approach and not the one do depend upon (solely) - especially in matters related to female fertility. Because even though this is not understood by most, remaining in the thinking mode prevents you from tapping into your full feminine power - which is what you really need to harness now.
Engaging Your Feminine
When trying to get pregnant doesn't work, before making big decisions like 'should I give up or try with donor eggs?', it is really important first to ensure that you are Engaging the Feminine® on this journey. Make sure that you are not approaching your fertility from the very limited male understanding of female fertility which currently dominates in the world.
In other words, I am inviting you to do less thinking about donor eggs and start discerning instead how you feel about egg donation - for you. Since our male world is very uncomfortable with feelings and doesn't have a clue about their value, you might believe this to be a waste of time.
But it is not. There is huge wisdom in your feelings and by listening to them you begin to support yourself and your fertility in a very powerful way.
Your Feminine Wisdom
So here's the deal. When it comes to thinking about donor eggs, there is no absolute right or wrong. There is, however, a right for you and your unique motherhood journey.
You won't find it by weighing up the pros and cons of whether to tell donor egg baby about his or her origins, mulling over thoughts like "I want my baby to have my genes", or investigating donor egg exploitation in the industry.
You will find it by tuning into your feminine wisdom, feeling deeply what comes up for you when thinking about donor eggs and allowing her (your feminine wisdom) to help you make the best decision - one baby step at a time.
You can start practicing by noticing what you feel when you say the following statements. I invite you to take special time alone to do this, with your eyes closed and set the intention to notice how you really feel with these thoughts:
How will you decipher your feminine perspective on donor eggs? By noticing what comes up in your body when you say those statements quietly to yourself. Is there peace, calm, anxiety, angst or a little discomfort maybe? Record what you observe in your journal.
If this exercise it new to you, give yourself time to practice and allow yourself to return to this exercise a few times. In general though, good feelings are in invitation to pursue that line of thinking a bit further.
And as you develop the habit of tuning into your feeling guidance, you will come to notice the slightest nudge of guidance. You might like to change some of the words as sometimes one little alteration can feel very different. As you play in this way, you are developing a powerful feminine skill that will serve you right through motherhood.
Many women don't want donor eggs and would much prefer to be enhancing egg quality and creating healthy follicles to produce their own healthy eggs after 40. For others, having a baby via egg donation is their authentic journey - it just feels right - sacred even - to move forward in that way.
And there will be a portion of women thinking about donor eggs, who are really being invited (by their own feminine wisdom) to return to the question "do I really want a baby... now?". Because this might have changed over time. And that's okay.
But by connecting with your feelings on each step of your journey you will make the very best decision for you - as a woman and a mother now!
I hope there was value in this for you and would love to hear your experience around thinking about donor eggs. What comes up for you with these questions? Please share with us below anything that feels important around this topic as your feminine contribution here really, really matters!