Can you stop feeling too old to have a baby? Yes absolutely. But even if we are hearing more and more of women of 50 plus having babies, putting a stop to these feelings won't happen just by itself.
This article and video below were inspired by Goldie who reached out to me with the following question.
How can I stop feeling old Deirdre?
First of all Goldie, it will really serve you to understand why you feel old in the first place. As a woman in your mid-late forties there are three reasons in particular for this.
The first and most obvious reason is because of the prevailing, patriarchal (male) wisdom around female fertility. From this perspective, we have been taught that having healthy eggs after 40 is unlikely and that creating healthy follicles or creating new eggs is not possible. So it is pointless thinking you can get pregnant with your own eggs. Sound familiar?
Well, if it resonates that these ideas are feeding into why you want to stop feeling too old to have a baby, I invite you read this post in which I shed light on the origins of the biological clock after 40. And this one in which I propose new calculations in fertility over 50.
It is clear that our male world has controlled what we 'know' about the workings of the female body. But outside of the medical books and doctor's office, other kinds of patriarchal controls work to ensure that you are afraid you can't have a baby at your age Goldie.
As women we have learned that our value is tied into looking good which refers to much more than just being beautiful. You see patriarchy likes the way power is currently distributed in the world. And it ensures its own survival by deciding on what a 'good' woman looks like - and encouraging that version.
So even if you are aching for a baby, because of these notions of what is 'proper', you are likely to question if having a baby at 45 and beyond - or even wanting that - is 'normal'. And you would probably find yourself wondering if it just downright selfish to want a baby at 50 plus for example.
The long and short of it is that having a baby before 40 satisfies our patriarchal world because the pressure to reproduce 'in time' keeps many women far too busy and fearful to establish ourselves financally and emotionally enough to be in our power as women and mothers. So the current state of affairs continues comfortably....
But patriarchal control doesn't just stop there by informing us that we can't have a baby or casting doubt on the appropriateness of our desires for motherhood at this point.
It seeps insidiously into the expectations placed on us as women, partners, lovers, daughters, friends and mothers. In truth, many of us are exhausted by patriarchal demands and roles even before motherhood and wonder where we can possibly get the energy for fertility
If you can relates to this Goldie, I invite you to check out these posts to help when you find your fertility energy being drained. And this one if you feel your are using up energy you need to have a baby.
With that out of the way, let us now dive into the 3 tips to stop feeling too old to have a baby.
Tip 1 To Stop Feeling Too Old to Have A Baby
Instead of focusing on the problem (as we have been taught in patriarchy), I am inviting you to engage your feminine wisdom here.
In other words, shift your focus away from the problem (feeling old) and begin to dwell on what you would love. Like feeling young. Because how you feel matters deeply.
So decide from now on to give more and more of your attention to feeling young, fresh and energised! (My post on feminine sensuality shares some ideas that might help you here also).
Tip 2 To Stop Feeling Too Old to Have A Baby
Craft a list of activities and experiences that evoke youthful feelings for you. That might include skipping, for example, or skinny dipping. Wearing something inappropriate or dressing up.
Perhaps it's cooking a new dish, getting your hands in the mud, jumping in puddles, climbing a tree or hiking in a new area. What makes you feel young?
Skipping along the road is one that does it for me. It looks odd perhaps (from a patriarchal perspective) but it feels soooooooo good!
And it always makes me laugh 🙂
Generate a list of experiences that make you feel alive, joyful and perhaps a bit daft. Feeling daft is a good sign. Why?
Because it is an indication that you are conducting yourself in a way that patriarchy probably deems inappropriate at your age!
Tip 3 To Stop Feeling Too Old to Have A Baby
Decide to include in your day, each day, one of the activities you have identified. This will support your fertility by helping to drench your cells in joy and feelings of vitality.
But also, it will be the perfect preparation work for motherhood during which you will find yourself crawling around the floor, being chased by your child, having paint all over yourself and singing songs not currently on your play list!
Our male world will perceive these tips as a frivolous. But your Creative Feminine® knows otherwise so give yourself the opportunity to stop feeling too old to have a baby now by exploring these fully.
I hope there was value in this for you and would love to hear your experience or ideas around how to stop feeling too told to have a baby. Please share with us below because your feminine contribution here really, really matters!
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