Should I Give Up Or Try With Donor Eggs? – Feminine Wisdom

should I give up or try with donor eggs

Should I Give Up Or Try With Donor Eggs?

Questions that often arise for women over 40 trying to have a baby include "should I give up or try with donor eggs?". And "how many IVF cycles before giving up?". So much so that Time Magazine published an article exploring when women using IVF should consider donor eggs.

But the reality is that even though this possibility has been around a while, there is still a taboo around donor eggs. And that often prevents women from exploring this option fully.

Inspired by the question below I received from V (age 43), this video/ article below shares some feminine wisdom on the topic "should I give up or try with donor eggs?"

"Deirdre, am I allowed to hope or not? Should I believe I am done or try with donor eggs?

Should I Give Up Or Try With Donor Eggs?
Patriarchal Influences 

I would like to respond in three ways with the intention of serving you. The first piece I'd like to bring your attention to is your asking, "Am I allowed to hope?".

In patriarchy, we have been trained to ask for permission to express many core aspects of the feminine contribution to the creative process.

Including, but not limited to, hoping. And I would like to remind you V, that you don't need permission to hope.

Indeed when you are engaging your feminine wisdom, you understand that hope is an essential ingredient when it comes to co-creating. So its absolutely lovely for you to hold hope and nourish it.

The second part of your question I would like to comment on is this: "Should I believe I am done?"

Should I Give Up Or Try With Donor Eggs? 
Patriarchy And Education

Again this questioning is a function of the patriarchal approach to education which has told us what we should believe. In schools across the globe, information is given to us and we are told (directly or indirectly): "This is what to believe."

What I'm hearing here from you V, is that like myself, you have been a very good daughter of patriarchy. However, when you want to have a baby after 40, it is prudent to move away from depending so heavily on a patriarchal interpretation of life.

And begin to draw upon your amazing feminine wisdom that has been neglected in most approaches to education on the planet. Because she has so much to offer you here that can really support you as a woman.

Should I Give Up Or Try With Donor Eggs?  
The Linear Bias Of Patriarchy

The third angle I'd like address on this is: "Should I try with donor eggs?" Again, I suspect that some of this is informed by the patriarchal habit we have of assuming that the 'right' answer is going to be linear. "This is the path I have to take, and it will reach this result."

That's what we have been taught, that A follows B, follows C. But when we are Engaging the Feminine™, we understand that the creative process is not always linear.
Sometimes we are taken off on a different tangent entirely. Which may seem like a waste of time if you are focused only on the 'baby' part of your desires. However, given time, this meandering reveals itself as essential for the inclusion of other aspects of the "result" that are important to you as a woman. Like, for example, showing up as the kind of mother you want to be.

Should I Give Up Or Try With Donor Eggs  
Feminine Wisdom

I have a process I call my 'Pause-Proceed Process' which taps into feminine wisdom and is not attached to a linear path. It involves tuning into your feelings in each step. And feeling the difference between how your body responds when you are sitting with different thoughts around this.

Instead of assuming that your next step has to be a path you follow to the very end, ask yourself, "what feels right for me now?"

And keep asking this. How does it feel when you consider yourself exploring donor eggs? Perhaps making a phone call, or doing a little research online. How does that feel?". If it feels like "that's okay actually," then take that step. If you don't feel good when entertaining that idea, then pause. Take a break from trying to figure it out. And decide to check in later on the issue to see if things change.

In each moment you will be guided into the next step as one alternative will feel more inviting, more aligned, more exciting than the other. Contrary to what we have been taught, you don't have to have all the answers now. Or have all the steps planned out.

Because you have beautiful feminine guidance within you. And this will help you to navigate towards the most satsifying solution. One step at a time. Part of the journey for you now V, is to intend to hear this guidance deeply. And begin the habit of allowing it help you move forward. One baby step at a time!

Video - Should I Give Up Or Try With Donor Eggs