Most of the available information around sex for getting pregnant, while hugely valuable, comes from a patriarchal (male) perspective of life and the creative process. Within this fertility framework, the cleverly calibrated clock and its trusted tick thunder loudly and there is little or no understanding of the role of the feminine in baby making.
For example, the age and fertility over 40 statistics never consider how questions like "do I really want a baby?" affect these results - or imagine that women trying to conceive might also be afraid that it will work. Because the male approach is linear - if you want something you proceed along a straight line to get there.
It doesn't 'get' that you might really want a baby and still have fertility doubts or be having second thoughts about having a baby. And because it is convinced that infertility is a medical issue, we are not encouraged to engage our feminine wisdom even in the most basic ways - like by listening to our fertility intuition.
So recommendations around sex for getting pregnant tend to deal with timing and the mechanics for the most part and for many women this is sufficient.
But when you are trying to get pregnant after 40, the consequences of patriarchal perspectives on female fertility become more apparent - and sex for getting pregnant can take on a different meaning. What do I mean by that?
Whether we like or not, one of the values that permeates our world is that, with time, a woman becomes less attractive, less effective and less valuable. It's not necessarily said out loud but this is the mindset we have been swimming in for many centuries.
When this is coupled with another patriarchal idea that a woman's value lies in her motherhood and domestic role, then one can see how the weight of patriarchy is even heavier on women over 40 who want to have a baby. Because in the past, a 'mature' woman who has not borne a child has been viewed as worthless.
With that in the background, a woman can feel huge pressure when it comes to sex. Because there is a sense that the the goal of having a baby is all that matters and if that doesn't happen you will be failing yourself, your partner and the family in some way.
Not that anybody necessarily articulates that anymore, but I recall these ideas sauntering chauvinistically through my awareness when I was trying to get pregnant after miscarriage.
But your feminine power is absolutely core to having a baby and when these patriarchal notions edge their way in, it's time to stop giving power to patriarchy. Because another approach to sex for getting pregnant is required.
Tip 1: Intend to engage your feminine wisdom on your fertility journey. Understand that your feminine wisdom knows your true desires as a woman and a mother. She is aware of what is really important to you and has no doubt whatsoever about your intrinsic value and worth.
Her goal is not just to help you have a baby (which satisfies our patriarchal world), it is to help you to co-create the experience of motherhood that you really want.
She wants you to thrive and will guide you in that direction - if you allow her to help. So how can you do that when it comes to sex for getting pregnant?
Tip 2: You begin by tuning into your feelings. In spite of what we have been taught, they are really important when it come to your Creative Feminine™ expression. While our patriarchal world will have us believe that it's all about numbers, how you feel really matters too.
As I explained in my advice for Meghan Markle trying for a baby, if you are ovulating, want a baby but really don’t feel like having sex now then don't. Because there is wisdom in that somehow and a reason why now might not be the best moment for you.
You might feel different in a few hours or you might not. But there is feminine guidance in your feelings and I invite you to start tuning into them when it comes to having sex for getting pregnant.
Tip 3 is to reclaim your ovulation. It doesn’t belong to your partner, the fertility clinic, your family tree or your baby. Your ovulation is yours and you can retrieve it by forgetting for a while about numbers and asking yourself the following:
What is really most important for me to seed during this ovulation so that I can be the woman and mother I came here to be? Where do I need to pour my feminine energy now in order to thrive as a woman and mother?
Contrary to what the clock might be conveying, even if you want a baby at 50, there might be other foundational pieces that are needed first in your life. Examples of this could include the need for a more honest relationship with yourself or a loved one, clearer boundaries with significant others, a more nourishing support system and/or simply more time for you.
When drawing on these 3 feminine tips, instead of emotionally painful sex when trying to get pregnant, it can be fun again - and the beautiful start to your baby's life that you would really love it to be.
I hope there was value in this for you and would love to hear your experience and/or opinion about sex for getting pregnant. Please share with us below because your feminine contribution here really, really matters!