Are you having second thoughts about the idea of having a baby at 50? A while back I published a related post called 'scared donor eggs will be successful at 50'. And how to connect with your feminine wisdom when that happens.
But it is totally understandable that you may be having second thoughts about having a baby at 50. Why? While this article asks if 50 is the new 30. And this CNN report shared the interesting US statistic that in 2013, 13 babies were born to women 50 years and older each week.
For the most part, we hear about the risks of having a baby at 50. Some truths about having a baby at 50 are explored here. I am linking to it because the top 3 photos show women of 50 plus pregnant or with their babies. And you don't get to see that so very often...yet!
This audio and article below came about in response to an email I received from a woman in her late 40s who shared that she is now having second thoughts about having a baby.
In the patriarchal model, we have been trained to be very goal-oriented and focus on the end result, like the baby. Many of us are familiar with being on the fertility journey intent on having a baby for example.
Along that road, it can happen that a woman starts getting second thoughts or comes to the place where she is thinking, "You know what? It's no longer true for me that I so want to have a baby."
But because we've been so conditioned into sticking to our goals, moving forward and getting results there isn't a space really to have that conversation. Especially if a lot of money has been invested along the way.
But it is important to remember that just because you have been trying to conceive for years doesn't mean that you have to continue on the journey. Nor does it mean that all the 'trying' and that desire to have a baby was foolish, inauthentic or a lie.
So let's step away from the traditional patriarchal ideas about how the world works and take a look at another, more feminine, perspective that can support you here.
I am referring in particular to Buckminster Fuller's Law of Precession which is 'the effect of bodies in motion on other bodies in motion'. Bear with me here.... To explain this, he used the example of the honey bee. It's driven to buzz from flower to flower to collect nectar. But the byproduct of that 'collecting nectar' goal is that, by visiting flower to flower, the bee is cross-pollinating.
It's playing a crucial role in the fertilisation process of millions and millions of plants. Fuller reckoned that 'the real work' that nature wants to happen, occurs in this way. Almost inadvertently. As a side product of the burning desire (to collect nectar in this instance).
So how does that relate to having second thoughts about having a baby at 50? Well, if you have been on that journey for ages, been trying hard for so long, you have probably invested loads of money, time, and energy into it. Not to mention the discussions, arguments and strain on relationships that may have occurred.
And the Law of Precssion, in my view, can really help you here to discern whether or when to give up trying to have a baby. After investing so much. Because it invites in another relationship with your process. And introduces the idea that perhaps the deeper goal, that your nature (your feminine) wanted here, has actually been achieved.
It's not a failure. It's not flawed thinking. It's not a waste of time, energy, or money. Rather, it is an opening up to the possibility that there are deeper processes going on here that are not necessarily visible, 'logical' or obvious to the patriarchal eye. That the deeper intention of your feminine wisdom has already been fulfilled. And that maybe, there is no need to go further down this path now.
Here are a few question I invite you to sit with:
Instead of feeling that you have to keep going because it sounds crazy that you might want to call a halt now, remember the law of precession and trust there is feminine wisdom in exactly what is coming up for you now.
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