Do you feel that you are running out of time to have a baby? Not surprising. Even though we have more and more women having babies in their fifties, the truth is that tens of thousands of us are worried about our biological clock after 40. Not to mention 50.
Indeed, there is assumption that it is just false hope in fertility after 50. And in the discussion about the best age to have a baby - 50 is not mentioned. Yet. Indeed, getting pregnant after 50 is still a trend that is judged in many quarters.
In this audio and article below, which was inspired by a message from one of the wonderful women in our tribe, I would like to shed some feminine light on the issue of 'running out of time to have a baby'.
"Deirdre, I'm on a really tight timeline that doesn't allow me to stop .
This woman was turning 50 and shared that she had one last chance to use donor eggs. Steeped in fertility stress, she was feeling huge pressure to move ahead now.
So here is what came up for me. The 'tight timeline' around having a baby at this stage of life, is like a prodigious pin in the patriarchal (male) straight-jacket that holds a tight grip on our collective understanding of female fertility. (Check out the new feminine calculations I have proposed in fertility over 50!)
Patriarchy is very drawn to the straight, obvious, logical line of A follows B follows C. Especially when it comes to age and fertility after 40. (See my article on ovulation after menopause for an example of how patriarchal language affects fertility.)
And from the patriarchal position, what is most important in the creative process has been the 'thinking and doing' pieces. "That's how we create", we are told. Make a decision. Take action. And do it now.
While super important, that is actually how the masculine contributes to the creative process. Not the feminine. And when we feel that we cannot stop - let me translate that into feminine - it means "'there is no time to engage my feminine. There is no value in that. My feminine, outside of the biological obvious, doesn't have anything to contribute here".
But even if we have been taught that pausing, retreating, feeling and reflecting are a pointless waste of patriarchal time, they are part and parcel of your Creative Feminine™ and necessary if she is to show up fully for you.
So, I am inviting you to decide to engage your feminine wisdom in this. If stopping the journey feels too radical for you, intend to retreat for a while. To discern your own truth and where your brilliant feminine wisdom is guiding you now.
That might look like a two or three-day retreat in which you take a break from everything - to go within and listen deeply. It may even mean stepping back completely from your whole fertility journey for a while - if that feels good.
Or, it could be a decision that every single day you will take a half an hour to nourish this part of you - with journaling, perhaps, painting or pottery, dancing and other pursuits that engage your feminine. In other words, press 'pause' on the patriarchal pitch that "this has to happen now."
Could it be true that your life is calling you to do that anyway? To create space for your feminine - even independent of fertility and motherhood? In my experience, when a woman feels time running out to have a baby, that is an invitation from feminine wisdom to take a Retreat From Patriarchy®.
Because co-creation always requires a combination of the masculine and the feminine. And even if patriarchy has forgotten this, your Creative Feminine™ has not.
I invite you to begin to allocate special time each day, each week, each month to tap into your feminine power and leverage your feminine sensuality and knowing. Make room for incubating new ideas, feeling pleasure and joy in your body, and creating in a nonlinear, fun, youthful way. In that way, she can help you to show up as the woman and mother you were born to be.
Check out my free time - stretching gift!