Proceed With This Fertility Clinic Or Not?

proceed with this fertility clinic?

​Proceed With This Fertility Clinic?  

​Have you been debating whether to proceed with this fertility clinic? One ​with which you have already connected - on the internet or in person?

The decision to seek fertility treatment is big enough. But many women find it's just the beginning. Because trailing behind this milestone comes the choice of which fertility clinic to work with. Fertility doubts​, it seems, show up in many different ways through-out a woman's journey.

​In my research, I discovered this guide to choosing a fertility clinic which has several interesting points that can help you navigate through this. While this audio and article below came about in response to a message I received from Nora. Here is what she had to share about her question of whether to proceed with this fertility clinic:

Proceed With This Fertility Clinic... Or Not?

this audio comes about in response to a message I received from Chloe who was 45 and pregnant.

"Deirdre ...I got on the egg donor list on my 44th birthday last year.  I have to tell you that the information they (the fertility clinic) gave me was blurry. They kept contradicting themselves. The head doctor doesn't like questions. He takes that as an insult so I feel. He says "You have to trust me.".

 The lady in charge of the program is an over-stressed lady who doesn't like questions either. The doctor already seemed annoyed with me and if I ask anything more he will be angry. I feel bullied​ somehow.

I feel that they think that women who get eggs have no self-esteem and they are grateful for any egg so they should just shut up and not question their ways. If I want this clinic to help me I need to go along with the way they work... even if I don't like it."

Deirdre, how do we deal with pregnancy after so much history? I fear I don't have the tools to be a confident pregnant woman.
. I'd like to support you is just to share what I hear in that question. And what is happening. It sounds like it is that you're reviewing your history of many efforts and many attempts and the feeling of failure where you've tried and it hasn't working for tried and it hasn't worked. And this has been repeated over and over in different ways in your fertility journey in your motherhood journey. And so I'd just like to remind you here that this kind of approach or interpretation of our fertility journey is very much a patriarca one in which success is only seen in terms of the outcome, the project the baby. And you were being invited to engage your feminine wisdom here because that's history his story the patriarchal interpretation and is time for her story, your story the feminine version of what has unfolded for you over the last year to show up here now because if you reflect back on all this journey you will see clearly how each of those experiences have helped you to show-up more authentically to discern Who you really want to be in the world and have added to your empowerment to your sense of serve to your sense of integrity to your confidence and to your allowing yourself to be you instead of having to do this in a particular way at a particular time. This journey has made you step up and say you know I want it now even if the circumstances aren't perfect according to the patriarchal download.

Don't Question Authority

​Thank you so much, Nora, for sharing this. I will address it from three different perspectives with the intention of supporting you here.

​The first is just to remind you that the dynamic you are experiencing mirrors how it has been for the feminine in the world. What I mean by that is that questioning has been seen as an irritant. Our patriarchal, male world, values answers. Not questions. 

Especially if they are geared towards those with status and authority. As they are perceived as a challenge to the patriarchal status quo, as something rude and, often, as completely inappropriate. ​I am commenting on this so you can see it as part of something much bigger and not necessarily about you personally.

But questions are really important Nora. Indeed, they are one of the ways your feminine wisdom helps you to discern things like whether to proceed with this fertility clinic or not.

​Feeling Bullied

​The second part that feels important - in order to decide whether to proceed with this fertility clinic - relates to "I feel bullied somehow".  ​

The experience of feeling bullied is that of something outside of you undermining you in some way - or putting pressure on you to comply. If the truth be told, many women actually feel bullied into trying with donor eggs​ in the first place. (See my previous post on 'Donor Eggs At 40 Plus')

​But I would like to invite you to take time out Nora and ask yourself - as if for the first time - "does it feel right for me to move forward here now?".

​Feminine Listening

​The image of water comes up for me Nora. And water is very feminine. We often see water flow effortlessly around an obstacle to arrive at her destination. And at other times she will drip, drip relentlessly- until it cracks open.

How does that relate to your decision about whether to proceed with this fertility clinic? Well, forget about fears around false hope in fertility or time running out to have a baby for a moment and tune into how you feel with the following:

​If you were to imagine yourself as water with this issue, are you guided to flow around it? And explore, perhaps, another fertility clinic, another doctor or even another time?

Or are you more inclined to drip forward and proceed with this fertility clinic? One option will feel at least marginally better now....

​Empowering Yourself

​Either way, I would like to bring to the table another idea that will serve you in your quest to know whether to proceed with this fertility clinic or not. It is infinitely easier to change yourself than anyone else. Bear with me - because this will really help you in motherhood.

​I'm inviting you to play with me here and intend to become aware of everything positive about this fertility clinic and situation including:

  • ​the doctor and other staff
  • building, equipment and technology
  • anything that attracted you in the first place
And each of those experiences those baby's those attempts have added to you as a woman even if that's not obvious to the medical model or to patriarchy. And so I'd really be inviting you to really connect with your story in a new way and forget the patriarchal history so that you can write your own story and that links to the form stage of my feminine engagement method. But you are really being invited here now to switch that mantra in your head about failure and last in two one hour gain and empowerment and I'd actually be asking you to go through each of those parent classes and of course many of them will have been difficult and painful.

​What can you appreciate about these? It could be something superficial - like the colour of the walls. Or it maybe much deeper. Like, perhaps this clinic has inspired you to reach out for support or facilitated an awareness of what kind of world you want your children to grow up in.  

Your Creative Feminine Power

​​The intention here is to shift from a place of feeling bullied, unable to ask questions and having to be a "good girl". Because in that position, you are disconnected from your creative feminine power.

But you can plug back into your creative feminine by taking a different stance and saying to yourself, for example, the following:

​"I have a choice here. And I'm going to use this to practice for the kind of empowered, happy motherhood that I would love most."

​Preparing For  Motherhood

Because, in the future, there will be times when your children will need you to remain focused on their beauty and what is going well. Especially during those melt-down moments when they feel disconnected and cannot see it for themselves.

You can use this experience with the fertility clinic as practice to develop the skill of holding in your heart the best of your child. This is such a powerful addition to your motherhood toolbox.

Because it removes you immediately from the victim place and returns you back to your true creative feminine power. I have found that this gratitude, when maintained, has the drip-drip effect that helps to create a breakthrough. It's like the appreciation draws out a softness - from the obstacle -that allows it to open up.

So these are ideas I invite you to play with. But ultimately it's really about giving yourself permission to feel your own truth and change your mind if you want to. And if you are still inclined to proceed with this fertility clinic, do so in a way that harnesses your creative feminine power and supports you into showing up as the woman and mother you were born to be!

Audio - ​Proceed With This Fertility Clinic?

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