One Embryo Left At 49 Years
Having one embryo left to transfer can bring up a lot. Some women will be more concerned that there is only one embryo left to transfer. For others, it is not so much about the number. It's the matter of what to do with one frozen embryo that generates angst. This audio/ article came about in response to the following message I received from Jacqui who has one embryo left to transfer.
"Hi, Deirdre, I'm 49 and have two fantastic children via IVF. But I have one little embryo to transfer.
However, getting my faith back at my age is my biggest pain. I believe in all you say about age and body/ mind/ cultural influences and connections, but find it hard to fight these.
I had my second child just before I was 42 and feel one more child has been waiting for us to bring him or her down. So my biggest pain is all the narrative around my age. I'm healthy, vital, and ready, almost, but need a boost of faith."
One Embryo Left - Patriarchal Influence?
With regard to that tight time line Jacqui, I invite you to check out these posts I published previously exploring the issues of time running out to have a baby at 50 along with the new calculations I propose in fertility over 50). In this article, I am drawn to address another aspect of your story - the part of you that is feeling "I have one little embryo left.....and that one more child is waiting".
What I'm wondering, Jacqui, is if you are feeling responsible for giving this embryo an opportunity to grow. I would be inviting you to really allow yourself to sit with that. You have one little embryo left yes....which is your child.
And it is important to bring into this conversation an awareness that, in patriarchy, along with women being responsible for every aspect of a child's life, we have forgotten that life is a co-creation. And we have overlooked a child's own intentions in that mix. Now in patriarchy, that sounds totally nuts (that an embryo/child would have his or her own intentions). But I'm going to continue anyway....
Another patriarchal habit we have developed is to focus on the outcome or the end result. And so there may be a sense here that 'If it's not a birth, or if I haven't raised my children fully then it hasn't been a success. Or I haven't done my job'.
One Embryo Left - Feminine Wisdom
But when we are Engaging the Feminine®, we recognise that each moment is precious, and in each moment there is love. We understand that the experience of being an embryo, of feeling what it's like to have that level of existence, is a beautiful gift. And that may have been your embryo's intention. Just to enjoy that.
Jacqui I would be inviting you open up to a dialogue in your journal and in your heart with your deep feminine wisdom. And your little embryo. Give yourself permission to explore whatever is your real truth. And allow yourself to hear responses.
If it is your truth, allow yourself to say "You know, I love you dearly. You will always have a very special place in my heart. You will always be my little embryo. I will always love you. ......And also, it feels right for me not to go further with this." Perhaps that does not resonate at all with you Jacqui. But it feels important to get clear on this first. What matters here is searching for what is really true for you as a woman and a mother now around having one embryo left.
One Embryo Left - Feminine Guidance
You can enjoy a relationship with your beautiful embryo, from a place of love and authenticity. One that has room for the truth of where your are at in the process. One in which you love and still know that it is okay for you to make the decisions that honour you. Play around with that idea Jacqui and see what comes up for you.
Allow your feminine wisdom to guide you here because there is no right or wrong. This is a unique relationship. What matters here is love and that can be expressed in an infinite number of ways. Not just in the ways that patriarchy has told us are legitimate or right.
Connect with what's true for you and how you want this relationship to evolve. Because it may evolve in the womb. And it may evolve in a different way. Be open to what really wants to be born here, and to your worthiness of having your deepest desires expressed and met now.