Desires and plans for motherhood after 50 frequently take place in private because not everyone is going to support you on this. Perhaps you've discovered that...
This blog post was inspired by Ulrika who shared with me the following:
"I have been concerned about motherhood from the perspective of whether I will have enough energy when it happens.....will I have the energy ... when I am a mother to counter other's negative comments....
I feel worried about it right now....and I am wondering how I could change my thinking so I feel more optimistic. It has come up for me because of what one of my friends said about a 53 year old father of young children......
My friend (who is 51) said ... she couldn't imagine being a parent of young children in her early 50's. What can I do to reverse my thinking so I feel more optimistic?",
You bring up a great point here Ulrika - one that tends not to be aired when getting pregnant after 50 - because so much effort goes into trying to listen to your fertility intuition and rise above the belief that it is too old to have a baby at 50.
In addition, there is often the fear of feeding those fertility doubts that fill mainstream media about motherhood after 50.
But there is a reason why women have second thoughts about having a baby at 50 plus and why I've had women tell me that they are scared donor eggs will be successful after 50 (for them) - even though they are aching for a baby. (And I'm not suggesting that donor eggs is the only option here).
But what's coming up for you Ulirka is not about your age or unique in any way to motherhood after 50. Women in their 20's and 30's have also expressed anxiety to me about the reality of having a baby. And I have felt it myself.
Why? Because the experience of motherhood for so many women is one in which we do find our energy being drained - completely. Running on empty indeed, has become the norm in many parts of the world. So it make perfect sense that you would wonder about having the energy you need to have a baby.
It's easy to believe that it comes down to age. But the real reason why so many women are depleted in motherhood is because of the unrealistic patriarchal expectations that make us believe that we have to give, give, give - without the rest, retreat, acknowledgement and support we need to sustain that.
Does that resonate? So I'm suggesting that you remove the age piece from your exploration. Because it can easily distract you from the dynamics at work here.
The part about being able to deal with other people's motherhood after 50 comments is another subject Ulrika. While it starts earlier than motherhood after 50, the current reality is that many people believe it is selfish to want a baby at 50 years plus.
And they make no bones about expressing that opinion. So dealing with this has been part of the motherhood after 50 landscape... to date. This is changing as more women over 50 have babies. And we too are facilitating that shift together here.
You will find inspiration around dealing with insensitive remarks in this post on infertility comments but I am inviting you to be engaging your feminine wisdom here.
You begin by investing far more of your energy into surrounding yourself with people who support your dreams and want you to thrive in motherhood after 50 - than wondering how to cope with negative comments. Because that will help you to create what you truly want.
You asked about how to reverse your thinking Ulrika. But when you are engaging our feminine wisdom you realise it is much more powerful to pour your Creative Feminine™ energy into what you want instead (like in the example above).
So take your time to paint a picture in your mind and heart of you thriving in motherhood....being surrounded by a tribe of women who really want you to succeed - and a lovely community in which you and your family can flourish.
Intend that receiving positive feedback and supportive comments will be the norm for you. Make a list of what they might be:
Play around with other possibilities because they will help you to feel more optimistic. Your friend may not be able to imagine being a parent of young children in her 50's but you can imagine and pave the way for an experience of motherhood after 50 that is teaming with treasures - and a life with your baby that is deeply satisfying for you as a woman and a mother now!
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