So perhaps you are past the fertility hurdle of wondering 'should I give up or try with donor eggs?'. Or discovered your answer to the question 'should I tell others I used donor eggs?' and are ready to move forward in this direction now.
The likelihood is, that if you are going to be a mother through egg donation, information about the egg donor is probably important to you. Here is an example of the minimum egg donor requirements in this particular clinic - before an application will be accepted from a potential donor. This will vary, of course, from clinic to clinic and country to country.
But questions about the egg donor can weigh heavily on your mind if you are thinking about donor eggs. This audio and article below came about in response to a message I received from Sarah on the subject. Here is what she had to share:
"Deirdre, I asked about the donor and the doctor didn't say anything specific. He only said "she’s everything you ever dreamed of and I guarantee that to you".
Honestly, I think she (the director of the program) just give me the next donor on the list and that worries me a lot. I have no information at all about her. Not her height, not the color of her hair. Nothing.
I catch myself worrying about the donor. I need some information. I am trying to think that somewhere out there is this girl who donated her eggs and now I have a chance to have a baby. I want to welcome this embryo inside me.
Can I with no information? What if I had information I didn't like? Would I still want them? Do I treat this as a lottery?"
Thank you so much Sarah for sharing your experience with us. And while we could have a discussion about the appropriateness of your fertility doctors' attitudes, or how to deal with insensitive infertility comments, that would not necessarily support you now. Which is my intention here....
So I am guided instead, to invite your feminine wisdom into the 'information about the egg donor' piece of this. You say you need some information but I recommend that you take a feminine breath first.
Because what I am hearing from you in the background is a questioning and a doubting around whether you 'should' go ahead with this clinic. Is this treatment an indication, perhaps, that this doctor is not right for you? Or that now is not the moment?
And this needs to be addressed first Sarah. Contrary to what we have learned in patriarchy though, the answer to that is not in your head. Or outside of you.
But you will find it by connecting with your feminine wisdom. By bringing your awareness into your body and asking yourself "is it right for me to move forward with this clinic at this time?'.
So tune into how you feel about this. Independent of time pressure, any thoughts about your age or perceived options open to you. Do you sense that your heart and womb are guiding you forward into taking the next step with this clinic regardless? Or is there a hint of "no, this is not right for me - now".
What is most important here is that you move from the mental, masculine response to this experience - which has been the default in our patriarchal world. And begin to engage your feminine wisdom instead.
The messages may be very subtle. But by listening to your body and how you feel, one option will be more inviting. This, in my view, is more important to address first than the issue of information about the egg donor.
But information about the egg donor matters too. And if you are feeling the pull to proceed, I am going to invite you to engage your feminine wisdom in another way. By drawing upon the Form step of my Feminine Engagement Method®.
In the Form step, instead of waiting for somebody else to give you the answers, you create your own story. In other words, I am inviting you to play with me here and 'make up' the information that you say you need! It may be around eye or hair colour as you mentioned Sarah.
But my sense, is that it is much more important for you to know the kind of person your child will be. And the relationship you will have together.
So if you would love to enjoy an easy, connected relationship with your baby for example, allow some of the 'information' to include this.
E.g. imagine that an 'ability to connect beautifully' is part of the information about the egg donor that you receive. And therefore is part of your baby's make-up. Would you like that? (If it feels good, play along this line of thinking. Otherwise, choose something else that would feel good).
With this kind of detail, for example, you could well imagine a flow of positive energy between you and your baby, mutual appreciation and a joyful exploration of life together. And my feeling is that this is what you truly seek. To know that this is possible. That this is probable. That this is true.....
It's not an ideal situation Sarah - on the surface at least. But you can use it to your advantage and allow it to reconnect you with your creative feminine power. And the vision of motherhood you really want.
Decide that this is indeed a lottery and you have the winning ticket! For a gorgeous experience of motherhood with your child as a baby, in adolescence and right through adulthood! Let your egg donor be "everything you ever dreamed of" - as your doctor said.
And dream up scenes from different stages of your child's development that include evidence of the information about the egg donor that really matters to you both. Have fun and plan that 20 years from now, you are telling your child exactly how you got all the information you needed.... for a beautiful life together!
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