Information About The Egg Donor – Not Enough?

information about the egg donor

​Information About The Egg Donor    

​So perhaps you are past the fertility hurdle of wondering 'should I give up or try with donor eggs?'. Or discovered your answer to the question 'should I tell others I used donor eggs?'​ and are ready to move forward in this direction now.

​The likelihood is, that if you are going to be a mother through egg donation, information about the egg donor is probably important to you. ​Here is an example of the minimum egg donor requirements in this particular clinic - before an application ​will be accepted from a potential donor. This will vary, of course, from clinic to clinic and country to country.

But questions about the egg donor can w​eigh heavily on your mind if you are thinking about donor eggs. This audio and article below came about in response to a message I received from Sarah on the subject. Here is what she had to share:

Need More Information About The Egg Donor

this audio comes about in response to a message I received from Chloe who was 45 and pregnant.

"Deirdre, ​​I asked about the donor and the doctor didn't say anything specific. He only said "she’s everything you ever dreamed of and I guarantee that to you". 

Honestly, I think she (the director of the program) just give me the next donor on the list and that worries me a lot. I have no information at all about her. Not her height, not the color of her hair. Nothing. 

I catch myself worrying about the donor. I need some information. I am trying to think that somewhere out there is this girl who donated her eggs and now I have a chance to have a baby. I want to welcome this embryo inside me.

Can I with no information? What if I had information I didn't like? Would I still want them? Do I treat this as a lottery?"

Deirdre, how do we deal with pregnancy after so much history? I fear I don't have the tools to be a confident pregnant woman.

​Thank you so much Sarah for sharing your experience with us. And while we could have a discussion about the appropriateness of your fertility doctors' attitudes, or how to deal with insensitive infertility comments​, that would not necessarily support you now. Which is my intention here....

​Take A Feminine Breath....

So I am guided instead, to invite your feminine wisdom into the 'information about the egg donor' piece of this. You say you need some information but I recommend that you take a feminine breath first.

Because what I am hearing from you in the background is a questioning and a doubting around whether you 'should' go ahead with this clinic. Is this treatment an indication, perhaps, that this doctor is not right for you? Or that now is not the moment?

And this needs to be addressed first Sarah. Contrary to what we have learned in patriarchy though, the answer to that is not in your head. Or outside of you.

. I'd like to support you is just to share what I hear in that question. And what is happening. It sounds like it is that you're reviewing your history of many efforts and many attempts and the feeling of failure where you've tried and it hasn't working for tried and it hasn't worked. And this has been repeated over and over in different ways in your fertility journey in your motherhood journey. And so I'd just like to remind you here that this kind of approach or interpretation of our fertility journey is very much a patriarca one in which success is only seen in terms of the outcome, the project the baby. And you were being invited to engage your feminine wisdom here because that's history his story the patriarchal interpretation and is time for her story, your story the feminine version of what has unfolded for you over the last year to show up here now because if you reflect back on all this journey you will see clearly how each of those experiences have helped you to show-up more authentically to discern Who you really want to be in the world and have added to your empowerment to your sense of serve to your sense of integrity to your confidence and to your allowing yourself to be you instead of having to do this in a particular way at a particular time. This journey has made you step up and say you know I want it now even if the circumstances aren't perfect according to the patriarchal download.

​​​Engaging Your Feminine Wisdom

​But you will find it by connecting with your feminine wisdom. By bringing your awareness into your body and asking yourself "is it right for me to move forward with this clinic at this time?'.

So tune into how you feel about this. Independent of time pressure, any thoughts about your age or perceived options open to you. ​Do you sense that your heart and womb are guiding you forward into taking ​the next step with this clinic regardless? ​Or is there a hint of "no, this is not right for me - now". 

​What is most important here is that you move from the mental, masculine response to this experience - which has been the default in our patriarchal world. And begin to engage your feminine wisdom instead.

The messages may be very subtle. But by listening to your body and how you feel, one option will be more inviting. This, in my view, is more important to address first than the issue of information about the egg donor. 

Your Donor Egg Information

​But information about the egg donor matters too.​ And if you are feeling the pull to proceed, I am going to invite you to engage your feminine wisdom in another way. By drawing upon the Form step of my Feminine Engagement Method®.

In the Form step, instead of waiting for somebody else to give you the answers, you create your own story. ​​In other words, I am inviting you to play with me here and '​make up' the information that you say you need! It may be around eye or hair colour as you mentioned Sarah. 

​But my sense, is that it is much more important for you to know the kind of person your child will be. And the relationship you will have together.​  

Your Donor Egg Information

So if you would love to enjoy an easy, connected relationship with your baby for example, allow some of the 'information' to include this.

E.g. imagine that an 'ability to connect beautifully' is part of the information about the egg donor that you receive. And therefore is part of your baby's make-up. Would you like that? (If it feels good, play along this line of thinking. Otherwise, choose something else that would feel good).

​With this kind of detail, for example, you could well imagine a flow of positive energy between you and your baby, mutual appreciation and a joyful exploration of life together. ​And my feeling is that this is what you truly seek. To know that this is possible. That this is probable. That this is true.....

​​Your Creative Feminine

​It's not an ideal situation Sarah - on the surface at least. But you can use it to your advantage and allow it to reconnect you with your creative feminine power. And the vision of motherhood you really want.

​Decide that this is indeed a lottery and you have the winning ticket! For a gorgeous experience of motherhood with your child as a baby, in adolescence and right through adulthood! ​Let your egg donor be "everything you ever dreamed of" - as your doctor said.

And dream up scenes from different stages of your child's development ​that include evidence of the information about the egg donor that really matters to you both. Have fun and plan that 20 years from now, you are telling your child exactly how you got all the information you needed.... for a beautiful life together!

And each of those experiences those baby's those attempts have added to you as a woman even if that's not obvious to the medical model or to patriarchy. And so I'd really be inviting you to really connect with your story in a new way and forget the patriarchal history so that you can write your own story and that links to the form stage of my feminine engagement method. But you are really being invited here now to switch that mantra in your head about failure and last in two one hour gain and empowerment and I'd actually be asking you to go through each of those parent classes and of course many of them will have been difficult and painful.
Audio - Information About The Egg Donor

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