Have you had to deal with insensitive infertility comments? I did and it's a common occurrence. Hence the many articles out there on topics like what not to say to someone who is experiencing challenges with fertility.
I have to admit that I was also on the receiving end of hugely supportive words too. (See my post on 'what to say to someone who had a miscarriage'). But the reality is that inappropriate infertility comments barge their way into many conversations when a woman hasn't had a baby.
Especially if she has already celebrated the 'big 40'. And they become far more vociferous if, for example, a woman is planning on getting pregnant after 50.
This audio and article were inspired by a response Annie made on a previous post about ovulation after menopause. Below is an extract of what she had to say:
Deirdre, it is impossible not to be affected by what is written on fertility in the media or the advice of well-meaning friends.
But it is important to push these aside and continue to believe that your healthy body will conceive when the time is right...
Thank you Annie!
I love that you maintain your focus on what you want - in spite of insensitive infertility comments from friends or in the media. Because they could easily trigger a cascade of negative fertility emotions.
But that just disconnects you from your true creative power. And contributes to a notion of being 'punished for thinking I can have a baby'. Your response, Annie, is powerful evidence of you engaging your feminine wisdom in your unique fertility journey.
Since you are on a roll, I would like to coach you further here! Below are 3 more feminine tips to help you deal with insensitive infertility comments in a way that can support your fertility now.
Tip 1 is to realise that, even though you may feel these deeply, they are not personal. They are simply a product of our patriarchal world which understands female fertility and womanhood through the eyes of the masculine.
So it is laden with 'hidden' assumptions like: a woman's role is to have children, her value decreases as she matures. And her creative power diminishes to a sliver after 40.
It's a world that has a pre-kindergarten understanding of feelings, emotions and all things feminine. And is primed to piss on ideas and situations that deviate from what patriarchy 'knows' and expects!
Now that you are detached somewhat from the infertility comments and dogma around fertility, I am inviting you step further into your creative feminine power. Tip 2: When they hustle their way into your awareness, say to yourself something along the following lines:
"This is part of what we used to believe ab
out female fertility. Because the 'respected' knowledge on this subject has been interpreted, recorded and delivered by men....
That is changing and we are now Engaging the Feminine® in fertility. I am part of that movement - transforming patriarchal fertility doubts - and bringing about a new understanding of women's contributions to what we 'know' about age and fertility after 40."
In doing that not
only are you supporting your own personal fertility, you are co-creating a world in which we honour fully the role of the feminine in the co-creative process. How exciting is that?
Perhaps it is impossible, as you say Annie, not to be affected by infertility comments and reports. But you have a choice as to how you will be affected.
Tip 3: Instead of pushing them aside (because that takes a lot of effort), dance with them! Decide to have a relationship with infertility comments that reconnects you with your feminine power and supports your fertility.
One that helps you to ground the reality of your motherhood. And show up fully as the woman and mother you were born to be. Because that is much more fun Annie, and much more creative!
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