Have you been wondering about having a baby at 45 or after that? Or have you asked yourself the question 'is wanting this normal?'. If so, this article and audio below are for you.
They were inspired by the following message I received from one of the members of our tribe.
"How can I feel like it's normal, Deirdre, or not abnormal and not socially unacceptable to be wanting a baby when I'm 45 years of age?"
Great question and one that is very natural to have in your circumstances. Why? Because of all that we have been told about the biological clock after 40. And the persistent idea that we are running out of time to the have a baby - at a very lively pace after 35. Never mind 45.
So having a baby at 45 plus is stretching the envelope right? Well maybe. Or maybe not. Allow me to explain a bit. Let's tune into the word 'normal' first of all. When I googled 'normal' here is what came up:
Normal means conforming to a standard, being usual, typical, or expected. Synonyms include: common, ordinary, customary, conventional, expected and everyday.
Why am I sharing this? Because there is something very important within the definition and our collective understanding of normal that has implications for having a baby after 40. And your entire experience of fertility and motherhood.
A superficial processing of the definition above and application of it to the subject of having a baby at 45 will swiftly lead one to the conclusion that it is not normal because it is not typical, common or expected - yet 🙂 .
But by peering a little closer here, one can see how this definition and understanding of 'normal' acts like a social restraint on women pondering new ideas. How so? By conveying the message that 'normal' is something that one finds by looking to the group and comparing oneself to others.
Let me say that in a different way. We have been taught a relationship with 'normal' that requires us to refer to others in order to ascertain whether or not 'normal' is part of our story. From this perspective, looking outside of ourselves, is imperative.
Why am I making an issue out of this? Because this is a reflection of how patriarchal (male notions) have come to hold tight reins on female fertility and creativity. (See infertility is a medical issue). In our patriarchal world, the answer to the question is to be found outside. We are brought up to the believe that our parents have the answer, our teachers, doctors, lawyers, leaders etc.
And while this may seem to be innocent enough, the reality is that educating us in this manner serves to maintain the powers-that-be in place. It ensures that the patriarchal-approved authorities are the vehicles through which knowledge is disseminated and that what is normal continues to be censored and controlled.
Much more significantly though, this habit of needing external validation ensures that we bypass key elements of the Creative Feminine™ and her contribution to the creative process. Leaving us only partially connected to our true creative power and much less likely to achieve what we want - so the established 'normal' remains.
And while this practice of looking outside of ourselves might have served us greatly as a society, now it serves to ensure that we, as women, continue giving our power to patriarchy. Especially around matters relating to fertility.
Your question is really powerful if you want to supersede fertility doubts and fertility stress and know how to be a confident pregnant woman. Because the key to supporting yourself around having a baby at 45 and beyond is found by reconnecting with your feminine power and engaging your feminine wisdom on every step of your journey from now on.
And somehow, a deeper part of you knows this I sense. So how can you do that as you explore the subject of whether or not your desires are normal? There are 3 important ways you can begin to engage your feminine wisdom here.
If you are feeling that your desires around having a baby at 45 plus are considered abnormal, it probably means that they stretch beyond what patriarchy considers appropriate for you as a woman. That's the way patriarchy works. It doesn't want to rock the boat.
But if, as you reflect on the three bullet points above, it feels on a very personal level that having a baby has deep meaning for you, is exciting and worth the effort (of all that child-rearing involves), then you are probably tapping into something that is very normal and healthy for you to want.
(We have been downloaded with the idea that it is normal for every woman to want to be a mom, so it is prudent to be sure that your desires are truly your own because that's just more patriarchal pressure at work).
A feminine definition of 'normal' will include words like: personal, inner, authentic and it will draw on feeling words like exciting and inspiring. Because your normal is going to be deeply personal. You will be able to recognise it by how aligned and congruent you feel with the goal you are contemplating.
We are in a time of enormous change in the world. You and I are part of that. Having a baby at 45 and 55 years old will soon be part of what we all perceive as normal!
We are already seeing evidence of these new norms around having a baby at 45 plus. This article shares that, between the year 2000 and the year 2010, numbers trebled for women having a baby at 45!
We are on a journey to let go of the patriarchal normal to co-create a beautiful new normal - one that you would love for you, your baby and the world!
This will be born from a place in which you are engaging your feminine wisdom to discover what is truly normal for the unique expression of life that is you!
You ask how you can feel normal. Go within to discern what is authentic for you and remember that you are part of something much bigger. You belong to a gorgeous movement of women Engaging the Feminine® in fertility - deliberately creating new normals - so that you can show up as the woman and mother you were born to be!
I hope there was value in this for you and would love to hear your comments and experience with 'normal' on your fertility journey. Please share below because your feminine contribution really, really matters.
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