Getting Pregnant After 50 – Overcoming Judgment

getting pregnant after 50

​​Getting Pregnant After 50   

​Are you planning on getting pregnant after 50? In the future, this will ​so 'normal' that it won't ruffle any feathers. But at the moment, if you want a baby at 50 years, you may well find yourself dancing with judgement on the way.

If you are a woman that is.  

​​This post was inspired by a comment Martha made on a post I wrote called 'False Hope in Fertility After 50'.  Here's where she had to say.

​I've Stopped Telling People...

this audio comes about in response to a message I received from Chloe who was 45 and pregnant.

"​I've stopped telling most of the people I know that I want to be in mom at age 51. I frequently hear things such as these - from other women in my life no less:

​"You're too old to conceive"...
"If you have a baby it will have severe mental problems"...
"Do you realize how hard parenthood is?"
 "Maybe God doesn't want you to have children. He may be protecting you from great harm by denying motherhood".
"You should be happy with life the way it is".
"If it were meant to be, it would have happened naturally when you were younger".
"You're very selfish for wanting to be a mom so much". "

Deirdre, how do we deal with pregnancy after so much history? I fear I don't have the tools to be a confident pregnant woman.

​Martha went on to share that even her regular obstetrician gynecologist had stopped stopped asking her about her pregnancy plans. Even though she began discussing this with him ​​​​four years ago. ​

​Why The Judgment Around Getting Pregnant After 50?

​​So why is a woman met with so much judgement when considering the idea of getting pregnant after 50?

​All of the comments above, stem from our patriarchal world in which the masculine has held the power and written the rules about what is right or appropriate for a woman.  

​In this world, it has been inconceivable for a woman over 50 to have a baby. Or to want one for that matter. Getting pregnant after 50, or thinking about it, breaks the rules as we know them.

And this triggers a backlash of judgment and criticism - one of the most powerful tools for keeping women in their patriarchal place.

. I'd like to support you is just to share what I hear in that question. And what is happening. It sounds like it is that you're reviewing your history of many efforts and many attempts and the feeling of failure where you've tried and it hasn't working for tried and it hasn't worked. And this has been repeated over and over in different ways in your fertility journey in your motherhood journey. And so I'd just like to remind you here that this kind of approach or interpretation of our fertility journey is very much a patriarca one in which success is only seen in terms of the outcome, the project the baby. And you were being invited to engage your feminine wisdom here because that's history his story the patriarchal interpretation and is time for her story, your story the feminine version of what has unfolded for you over the last year to show up here now because if you reflect back on all this journey you will see clearly how each of those experiences have helped you to show-up more authentically to discern Who you really want to be in the world and have added to your empowerment to your sense of serve to your sense of integrity to your confidence and to your allowing yourself to be you instead of having to do this in a particular way at a particular time. This journey has made you step up and say you know I want it now even if the circumstances aren't perfect according to the patriarchal download.

​​​If That Doesn't Work....

​And then, just in case the judgment of family and social network doesn't work, other control favourites kick it. Including disapproval from those in authority which can come in many forms.​..

Such as not mentioning the baby elephant in the room (as in the case of your Ob/Gyn above). Letting you know that the idea of getting pregnant after 50 is not even open for discussion.

​Plaited with these is the threat of punishment should you dare to deliberate on such ideas. Mental problems, for example. Or some great harm.​

​What You Can Do?

So​ how can you support your fertility in a world that wants you to believe that you are too old to have a baby at 50?

  • ​1. Realise that this judgment is part of the patriarchal download desperately trying to maintain the status quo. 
  • ​Reflect on where in your life you are judging yourself on this issue. E.g 'I left it too late'. And let them go.
  • Intend to be more open to other people/women who want things that society disapproves of (as this will help us to change this culture of judgment for us all).

​Engaging Your Feminine Wisdom

T​o support your creative feminine in the best way possible, what matters here is that you tune into your own feminine wisdom around the issue of getting pregnant after 50. Whenever comments or behaviour like this show up on your fertility journey.

Because she is guiding you into your dreams - one baby step at a time.​ ​It may mean that you stop visiting in-laws, release​​ friendships or change your doctor.​ And I know you are open to that Martha.

​But it sounds like your feminine wisdom would love to have more empowering, feminine support around you as you move into motherhood.​ So, I invite you to intend to allow that in - even if you are not quite sure how that can happen yet.

​In the meantime, you might like to read here about a few of the other women getting pregnant after 50 plus. And listen to the audio below which is somewhat different to the text.

And each of those experiences those baby's those attempts have added to you as a woman even if that's not obvious to the medical model or to patriarchy. And so I'd really be inviting you to really connect with your story in a new way and forget the patriarchal history so that you can write your own story and that links to the form stage of my feminine engagement method. But you are really being invited here now to switch that mantra in your head about failure and last in two one hour gain and empowerment and I'd actually be asking you to go through each of those parent classes and of course many of them will have been difficult and painful.
Audio- ​Getting Pregnant After 50

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