Are you planning on getting pregnant after 50? In the future, this will so 'normal' that it won't ruffle any feathers. But at the moment, if you want a baby at 50 years, you may well find yourself dancing with judgement on the way.
If you are a woman that is.
This post was inspired by a comment Martha made on a post I wrote called 'False Hope in Fertility After 50'. Here's where she had to say.
"I've stopped telling most of the people I know that I want to be in mom at age 51. I frequently hear things such as these - from other women in my life no less:
"You're too old to conceive"...
"If you have a baby it will have severe mental problems"...
"Do you realize how hard parenthood is?"
"Maybe God doesn't want you to have children. He may be protecting you from great harm by denying motherhood".
"You should be happy with life the way it is".
"If it were meant to be, it would have happened naturally when you were younger".
"You're very selfish for wanting to be a mom so much". "
Martha went on to share that even her regular obstetrician gynecologist had stopped stopped asking her about her pregnancy plans. Even though she began discussing this with him four years ago.
So why is a woman met with so much judgement when considering the idea of getting pregnant after 50?
All of the comments above, stem from our patriarchal world in which the masculine has held the power and written the rules about what is right or appropriate for a woman.
In this world, it has been inconceivable for a woman over 50 to have a baby. Or to want one for that matter. Getting pregnant after 50, or thinking about it, breaks the rules as we know them.
And this triggers a backlash of judgment and criticism - one of the most powerful tools for keeping women in their patriarchal place.
And then, just in case the judgment of family and social network doesn't work, other control favourites kick it. Including disapproval from those in authority which can come in many forms...
Such as not mentioning the baby elephant in the room (as in the case of your Ob/Gyn above). Letting you know that the idea of getting pregnant after 50 is not even open for discussion.
Plaited with these is the threat of punishment should you dare to deliberate on such ideas. Mental problems, for example. Or some great harm.
So how can you support your fertility in a world that wants you to believe that you are too old to have a baby at 50?
To support your creative feminine in the best way possible, what matters here is that you tune into your own feminine wisdom around the issue of getting pregnant after 50. Whenever comments or behaviour like this show up on your fertility journey.
Because she is guiding you into your dreams - one baby step at a time. It may mean that you stop visiting in-laws, release friendships or change your doctor. And I know you are open to that Martha.
But it sounds like your feminine wisdom would love to have more empowering, feminine support around you as you move into motherhood. So, I invite you to intend to allow that in - even if you are not quite sure how that can happen yet.
In the meantime, you might like to read here about a few of the other women getting pregnant after 50 plus. And listen to the audio below which is somewhat different to the text.
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