Fertility Stress – 3 Tips From Feminine Wisdom

fertility stress

​​Fertility Stress  


​​Fertility stress (or infertility stress) is a very real experience. (For the purposes of this introduction I am going to assign a male persona to 'fertility stress'). Due to the fear of time running out to have a baby​, fertility stress often introduces himself to a woman even before she is ready to consider having children.

And then he hovers quietly in the background waiting to make a dutiful appearance in conversations such as the biologcial clock after 40, eggs reserves running out and questions like "​should I give up or try with donor eggs?

By age 40, fertility stress has become a familiar visitor and, having established squatting rights in your mind, this character moves in. Often going as far as sharing your bed.


Fertility Stress Moves In


​Ever ready to snatch the joy of love-making and any signs of curiosity or wonder about creating new life, he enjoys introducing ideas like "I can't have a baby". After which he sits smugly back, hands behind his head, watching you struggle with the emotions of infertility​ while trying your best to stop feeling too old to have a baby.

It's a good life. For him. Because everywhere he looks his "rightness" and importance is validated. And with every passing year he becomes more pompous and self-assured.

(I'm writing this during the holiday period which can induce a fertility stress peak. You might like to check out my previous article on coping with infertility during the holidays​. And this one that helps you to discern if you are hurting your fertility during the holidays​ ...with all the additional fertility stress.)


Fertility Stress - Anna's Experience


​While researching fertility stress, I came across ways to de-stress when trying to conceive. While this audio and feminine wisdom below were inspired by a message I received from Anna. Here's what she shared:

this audio comes about in response to a message I received from Chloe who was 45 and pregnant.

​​Deirdre, I went on holidays alone, which was exactly what I needed as I was exhausted physically and mentally, and my period showed up on the third day! (which hadn't shown up naturally in 8 months).

I needed this break so, so much and my body responded...

​I know deep inside that I can make it. I just feel that I may sabotage myself with stress.

Deirdre, how do we deal with pregnancy after so much history? I fear I don't have the tools to be a confident pregnant woman.

​Your Body's Feminine Wisdom


Thank you for sharing this Anna. Here is how I would like to respond with the intention of supporting you now.

Your body has given you a very, very clear message. Stress (fertility stress) doesn’t work for you. And even if you have felt, at times, disappointed in your female body​ - your beautiful body is really on your side.

​It's trying to help you achieve joyful motherhood. But being exhausted is just not compatible with you showing up in your full creative power Anna. And your body is not going to lie to you and pretend otherwise. Even if our patriarchal world would be happy for you to continue with your exhausting regime.


. I'd like to support you is just to share what I hear in that question. And what is happening. It sounds like it is that you're reviewing your history of many efforts and many attempts and the feeling of failure where you've tried and it hasn't working for tried and it hasn't worked. And this has been repeated over and over in different ways in your fertility journey in your motherhood journey. And so I'd just like to remind you here that this kind of approach or interpretation of our fertility journey is very much a patriarca one in which success is only seen in terms of the outcome, the project the baby. And you were being invited to engage your feminine wisdom here because that's history his story the patriarchal interpretation and is time for her story, your story the feminine version of what has unfolded for you over the last year to show up here now because if you reflect back on all this journey you will see clearly how each of those experiences have helped you to show-up more authentically to discern Who you really want to be in the world and have added to your empowerment to your sense of serve to your sense of integrity to your confidence and to your allowing yourself to be you instead of having to do this in a particular way at a particular time. This journey has made you step up and say you know I want it now even if the circumstances aren't perfect according to the patriarchal download.

Fertility Stress - 3 Important Pieces


​​Let's look a bit closer as the feminine wisdom that has emerged here. What I am ​seeing in your story is that you took a Retreat From Patriarchy®. And you did so in 3 different ways: 

  • ​​You retreated from your 'normal' life (the rules of which have been written by the masculine and tell us that our value is connected to our productivity).
  • ​​You stopped working and took a complete rest. Not encouraged in our patriarchal world, this allowed you to connect again with your own feminine rhythm. ​
  • You went alone for a private experience. Often on vacation, we bring with us people/relationships that - even if they are loving - keep up in our patriarchal place (e.g. partners, parents, friends etc). Being alone frees you to feel your truth and reconnect with what really matters to you as a woman.

​Your Feminine Wisdom


And your body responded with a big, fertile thumbs-up! Anna, I feel that the mother in you is asking me to emphasize the impact of this kind of retreat for you. Because, it will help you to be a confident pregnant woman.

And a happy, fulfilled mother when your child is a baby, a toddler and teenager. ​Rest and private, feminine retreat is and will be important for you.

​Take heed of this powerful feminine wisdom from your body.  Decide that you no longer need to arrive at exhaustion in order for feminine retreat to become part of your life.


​​Feminine Retreat


​Intend to enjoy a new relationship with your body, with rest, with retreat and with time out for you. Instead of only allowing yourself to have it when utterly exhausted  - let it be part of your life. Indeed, allow it to be part of your every day in small ways (e.g. meditation/pilates etc). 

You don’t need to know, at this point, how that can possibly happen for you. What matters first is that you intend it. Because your creative feminine needs this re-charge so you are no longer feeling overwhelmed by fertility​, can set yourself up for preventing preeclampsia and show up as the woman and mother you were born to be.​

When we begin to Retreat From Patriarchy® on a regular basis, fertility stress loses his power. ​And we see that, even if he has been a huge player in female fertility, his substance is lacking. Akin to patriarchal flatulence. Because he doesn't understand the role of the feminine in the creative process or the power of retreat. But you do!

And each of those experiences those baby's those attempts have added to you as a woman even if that's not obvious to the medical model or to patriarchy. And so I'd really be inviting you to really connect with your story in a new way and forget the patriarchal history so that you can write your own story and that links to the form stage of my feminine engagement method. But you are really being invited here now to switch that mantra in your head about failure and last in two one hour gain and empowerment and I'd actually be asking you to go through each of those parent classes and of course many of them will have been difficult and painful.
Audio - ​Fertility Stress

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