The subject of fertility during the holidays can leave us feeling very, very vulnerable. Sometimes, ignoring wise fertility intuition, we spend too long with relatives (our own or a partner's). And in that setting, the spotlight zooms in on family - or the absence of same. So the pressure to reproduce feels all the more palpable.
Perhaps others in the gathering have given birth or will do so soon. And, as you pretend infertility is ok, may find yourself wondering just how to cope with everyone else getting pregnant.
Or, you might be on the receiving end of tactless infertility comments. But even if nothing is said out loud, fertility challenges become the huge baby elephant in the room. Trampling indifferently on presents and, more importantly, the presence you need to support your fertility during the holidays.
I have already explored the issue of coping with infertility during the holidays - which has a different focus. And this supporting fertility in negative environments post also offers ideas you can apply to the holiday situation.
But the 3 questions below in this article will help you to discern if you might actually be hurting your fertility during the holidays.
Because whether you are a celebrity trying for a baby or somebody enjoying a more private life, how you show up with your fertility during the holidays will reveal a lot. And awareness of this can support your motherhood now.
Are you spending time with people with whom you don't feel good? In our patriarchal (male) world - which doesn't understand the contribution of the feminine to the creative process - how you feel is irrelevant.
What matters instead is 'looking good' as a family, being a 'good girl' and being mannerly (in the way these are defined by patriarchy). Paying homage to patriarchal expectations, you may be spending your holidays with people who deplete and undermine you. Or even those who revel in feeding your fertility doubts. I did.
But in giving power to patriarchy you ignore your feelings and pour your precious Creative Feminine® energy into an experience of family you don't actually want in your life. If this is true for you - as it was for me - this habit is hurting your fertility.
Because by continuing in this fashion, you are ignoring your feminine guidance (again probably) and preventing your Creative Feminine® from showing up fully. So decide instead to spend time only with members of the family who value and support you and genuinely want the best for you.
Spending time with others is one thing, but sharing living quarters over the holidays is quite another. In many situations, there is an expectation that you stay over with friends and family or they stay with you. Sounds cozy.
But even when relationships are positive, it is important to ask yourself: Does it feel good to share my living space or stay in this person's space? All to often, free accommodation comes with a heavy emotional price that affects your fertility.
If it feels better, opt for a hotel or airbnb room - and let visitors do the same. It's difficult at first as this idea rocks the patriarchal holiday boat. But it means that you get essential time out to recharge. And your Creative Feminine® needs this.
Best done long before the holiday season, you can always start the conversation with: "I'm needing quiet time and would appreciate if you could stay elsewhere. I know this sounds odd and I really appreciate your understanding.".
Apart from sleepovers for the girls, nobody stays in our house any more. Even if they have travelled from Ireland to visit. Because I find it utterly exhausting. Weird maybe. And selfish according to some. But the people who really care about me support this. It works for our family and I invite you to give yourself permission to do the same.
Etiquette around the holiday period ensures that women pour our Creative Feminine® energy into patriarchal values and family. These are often at odds with the experience of family life that you need to thrive as a mother.
By engaging in this way, we perpetuate the experience of our fertility energy being drained. Yet again. But if you are experiencing fertility challenges, it's a safe bet that you need to make changes for your fertility during the holidays. Especially with family and friends who no longer feel like friends.
Women thriving has never been a value in the patriarchal family. In order to ensure that your energy for fertility is being expressed in a way that supports you, ask yourself the following. If I do this, am I pouring energy into maintaining the patriarchal status quo or honouring my feminine wisdom and showing up as the woman and mother I am here to be?
Patriarchal family doesn't necessarily feel good. It can for sure and some parts will. But if it doesn't and you continue to invest your energy there (beyond what feels good), then you are hurting your fertility.
In a season that, for many, is about celebrating a holy family, you are being invited to create your own holy family. And immerse yourself with priorities, practices and people that feel wonderful for you.
If it is too late to change plans entirely for these holidays, then intend to inject them with periods of feminine retreat. Create a womb space for your fertility during the holidays that feels relaxing, nourishing, replenishing and meaningful.
Take walks and siestas or head to bed early. Give yourself permission to withdraw any time you want. And become more deliberate with your powerful feminine creativity. Invest your energy into making a vision board for how you want to feel as a woman in the coming year. In that way, not only do you support your fertility during the holidays, you also carve out the kind of family life you want most for you and your children.
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