Are you wondering about false hope in fertility after 50? Considering that fertility alarm bells start ringing more than a decade earlier, is it something to be expected?
Fertility clinics have been accused of "selling false hope to the over 40's". They are not alone. Celebrities too have been blamed for raising false hope by having babies in their late forties and beyond. And then, false hope allegations around freezing eggs are also familiar.
So if you want to have a baby after 50 this 'false hope' idea will probably have paid you a visit or two. And cast a shadow on your desires. But what is false hope?
A few months back, I published a post on the role of hope in having a baby after 40. Marianna commented on that and asked the following:
"Deirdre...I cannot even grasp the concept of false hope. What does it even mean?".
I thought it a great question because I hadn't actually looked at the combination of words within 'false hope' before. But even a cursory exploration of semantics here leaves one in no doubt.
The term 'false hope' booms like a cultural diagnosis letting us know that this 'hope' (of women over 50 who want to have a baby for example) is incorrect, invalid, misleading and/or untrue. It suggests that the object of the hope will never come to pass and it's just not grounded in reality.
And there is truth in that. It has not grounded very much ... yet. But why? I can see two particular pieces of the patriarchal puzzle feeding this notion of 'false hope'. And impeding the grounding of these new possibilities.
Firstly, this cultural diagnosis of 'false hope' comes about in a patriarchal world which is preoccupied with what is visible and already manifested. And is most comfortable dealing with possibilities for which we already have physical evidence.
In addition, because the majority of women over 50 are not becoming moms, there is the assumption that this a reflection of what is possible for women of this age. Patriarchy deduces then, that there is little hope for women over 50 who want to have a baby. And then takes the obnoxious patriarchal leap of concluding that the hope in question, is false.
But the second part of the patriarchal puzzle that leads to the 'false hope' diagnosis is of far more significance in my view- especially when it comes to the subject of fertility after 50.
Because this is tied in to patriarchal premises about the workings of the creative process itself. And specifically, the role of the feminine in that.
In the same way that the feminine has been omitted from the positions of power and leadership until very recently, the contribution of the feminine has been omitted from the creative process. In all ways apart from the undeniable essentials of egg and womb.
But other aspects of the feminine such as feelings, desire, imagination and expectations have been deleted from our understanding of creativity.
Patriarchy doesn't get yet that 'hope' is a powerful force that drives creativity. Otherwise words like 'false' and 'hope' would never be forced into this unconscious coupling.
I was wondering then, what word we could replace ''false' with that would actually support your fertility. And help you to engage your feminine wisdom here.
How about replacing 'false hope' with 'feminine hope'?
So when you are wondering if your hope is a false hope, remember that this is part of the patriarchal download - for you to dismiss your wider feminine contribution from the creative process. And doubt the wisdom of your desires.
But let's go a bit further than that.
Hope ties in to the Form step of my Feminine Engagement Method™. In that step, the intention is to Form a new story around your fertility, your age and your creativity that is free of patriarchal ideas around what is possible or right for you.
A story that engages your feminine wisdom in your creative process. And leverages the extraordinary power of hope to your advantage.
Hope is not false. And never has been. In fertility after 50... or well beyond. Rather, hope is part of the often forgotten feminine contribution to the creative process.
It plays an essential role in expanding beyond what is perceived as possible and in the creation of something new. In baby-making, fertility after 50, motherhood and beyond!
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