Aching For A Baby – Feminine Wisdom

aching for a baby

​​Aching For A Baby      


​Can you resonate with the experience of aching for a baby? Is there a yearning for a child that feels painful in your body? If so, this audio and article below are important because you might be sabotaging your fertility.

Allow me to explain. To put this in context, I will first share the message from Hutmata that inspired this post.​

this audio comes about in response to a message I received from Chloe who was 45 and pregnant.

Dear Deirdre,​ I'm 52 and I've never had children.  I married late in my 40's...

My husband, who is already a dad, is willing to start over and support me in my ache and yearning to be a mother.

Deirdre, how do we deal with pregnancy after so much history? I fear I don't have the tools to be a confident pregnant woman.

​Why There Is Aching For A Baby


​The audio below is somewhat different, but in this text I would like to begin by shedding some light on why there is aching for a baby in so many situations. 

​In our patriarchal, male world, we have been led to believe that the most valuable expression of ourselves as women is to give birth. And that having children together is the pinnacle of co-creation as a couple. (See posts 'Want to have a baby for him' and 'Want a baby so I'm not just the girlfriend'.)

Because trying to have a baby means that you are moving in the same direction as a couple - right? Together, these ideas cast a long shadow on a woman's relationship with her body and fertility. ​So much so that - if it hasn't shown up in earlier years - anxiety about not 'achieving' motherhood will probably make a grand entrance after the fourth decade. For at least a short sojourn.

​This ​can announce itself as a ​profound aching for a baby. Because at some patriarchal level, there is an expectation that we should be aching for a baby if we haven't already had one...

. I'd like to support you is just to share what I hear in that question. And what is happening. It sounds like it is that you're reviewing your history of many efforts and many attempts and the feeling of failure where you've tried and it hasn't working for tried and it hasn't worked. And this has been repeated over and over in different ways in your fertility journey in your motherhood journey. And so I'd just like to remind you here that this kind of approach or interpretation of our fertility journey is very much a patriarca one in which success is only seen in terms of the outcome, the project the baby. And you were being invited to engage your feminine wisdom here because that's history his story the patriarchal interpretation and is time for her story, your story the feminine version of what has unfolded for you over the last year to show up here now because if you reflect back on all this journey you will see clearly how each of those experiences have helped you to show-up more authentically to discern Who you really want to be in the world and have added to your empowerment to your sense of serve to your sense of integrity to your confidence and to your allowing yourself to be you instead of having to do this in a particular way at a particular time. This journey has made you step up and say you know I want it now even if the circumstances aren't perfect according to the patriarchal download.

​​​​Your Truth As A Woman


​But it's not just conditioning that leads to aching for a baby of course. (Although the power of this is way over looked in my view. Especially when we add time running out to have a baby to the equation and dwell on thoughts like "I'm afraid I can't have a baby at my age".)

Many women have a very real sense that their raison d'êtr​e is to be a mom. Perhaps this applies to you Hutmata - that motherhood and having children is what your deepest essence wants most?

​Regardless of what feels authentic, the following information is important for your fertility and motherhood now. (If you are unsure about what is true for you, read ​"I want to know my fertility truth.)


Your Creative Feminine


​When aching for a baby, here is what you absolutely need to know. Because how you feel really, really matters here - even if the fertility world doesn't understand this yet.

​Your creative feminine beckons you forward into your most cherished creations - in this instance pregnancy and motherhood - by communicating with you through your feelings.

In short, feeling hopeful or positive is an endorsement from your feminine wisdom. It indicates that the perspective you are mulling over is moving you towards your creations. That there could be any value in our feelings is an idea that patriarchy finds laughable of course. But patriarchy does not understand the feminine or how she shows up in the creative process.

​When you are aching for a baby, it's the grief, loss and emptiness that are most tangible in those moments. You experience in your 'now' that something awful (e.g. no motherhood) has already happened.


Engaging Your Feminine Wisdom


​It is totally understandable that you feel the ache, Hutmata, because that is one of the ways women have been encouraged in patriarchy to express our feelings. But it serves to disempower you as a woman, maintain the patriarchal status quo and disconnect you from your true creative feminine power. 

​Ache and pain are indicators that you are pouring your creative feminine energy into what you don't want. And while we have been led to believe that there is virtue in the ache or that the pain somehow validates us as women, the greater the ache, the more of your creative feminine power you are wasting.

​Decide instead, Hutmata, to engage your feminine on the journey....


Feminine Conclusions


​Fear of not having a child has been the driver in patriarchy. When you are Engaging the Feminine® on your fertility journey, it's the desire and creation that call you forward. ​

​So you navigate along your path, not with dread, fear or aching to have a baby (giving power to patriarchy​) - but with curiosity, intrigue and excitement instead (in your feminine power). ​

Like a little girl stepping forward with wonder because something lovely wants to be explored and revealed. ​​Your journey feels more like an invitation in which one step flows naturally into the next. Regardless of your age. Because that's where life is calling you. 

So give yourself permission to hang the ache on the patriarchal clothes line. Allow it to wave in the wind a few times before it dries through. And then decide if you really want that garment to be in your motherhood closet. Because fertility ache can easily evolve into motherhood ache.

My sense Hutmata, is that it is time to fold it up and give it back. It has served you well and inspired this co-creation (blog post) here. But it's time to engage your feminine wisdom now so you can show up as the happy woman and mother you were born to be!

And each of those experiences those baby's those attempts have added to you as a woman even if that's not obvious to the medical model or to patriarchy. And so I'd really be inviting you to really connect with your story in a new way and forget the patriarchal history so that you can write your own story and that links to the form stage of my feminine engagement method. But you are really being invited here now to switch that mantra in your head about failure and last in two one hour gain and empowerment and I'd actually be asking you to go through each of those parent classes and of course many of them will have been difficult and painful.
Audio - ​Aching For A Baby

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