Can you resonate with the experience of aching for a baby? Is there a yearning for a child that feels painful in your body? If so, this audio and article below are important because you might be sabotaging your fertility.
Allow me to explain. To put this in context, I will first share the message from Hutmata that inspired this post.
Dear Deirdre, I'm 52 and I've never had children. I married late in my 40's...
My husband, who is already a dad, is willing to start over and support me in my ache and yearning to be a mother.
The audio below is somewhat different, but in this text I would like to begin by shedding some light on why there is aching for a baby in so many situations.
In our patriarchal, male world, we have been led to believe that the most valuable expression of ourselves as women is to give birth. And that having children together is the pinnacle of co-creation as a couple. (See posts 'Want to have a baby for him' and 'Want a baby so I'm not just the girlfriend'.)
Because trying to have a baby means that you are moving in the same direction as a couple - right? Together, these ideas cast a long shadow on a woman's relationship with her body and fertility. So much so that - if it hasn't shown up in earlier years - anxiety about not 'achieving' motherhood will probably make a grand entrance after the fourth decade. For at least a short sojourn.
This can announce itself as a profound aching for a baby. Because at some patriarchal level, there is an expectation that we should be aching for a baby if we haven't already had one...
But it's not just conditioning that leads to aching for a baby of course. (Although the power of this is way over looked in my view. Especially when we add time running out to have a baby to the equation and dwell on thoughts like "I'm afraid I can't have a baby at my age".)
Many women have a very real sense that their raison d'être is to be a mom. Perhaps this applies to you Hutmata - that motherhood and having children is what your deepest essence wants most?
Regardless of what feels authentic,
the following information is important for your fertility and motherhood now. (If you are unsure about what is true for you, read "I want to know my fertility truth.)
When aching for a baby, here is what you absolutely need to know. Because how you feel really, really matters here - even if the fertility world doesn't understand this yet.
Your creative feminine beckons you forward into your most cherished creations - in this instance pregnancy and motherhood - by communicating with you through your feelings.
In short, feeling hopeful or positive is an endorsement from your feminine wisdom. It indicates that the perspective you are mulling over is moving you towards your creations. That there could be any value in our feelings is an idea that patriarchy finds laughable of course. But patriarchy does not understand the feminine or how she shows up in the creative process.
When you are aching for a baby, it's the grief, loss and emptiness that are most tangible in those moments. You experience in your 'now' that something awful (e.g. no motherhood) has already happened.
It is totally understandable that you feel the ache, Hutmata, because that is one of the ways women have been encouraged in patriarchy to express our feelings. But it serves to disempower you as a woman, maintain the patriarchal status quo and disconnect you from your true creative feminine power.
Ache and pain are indicators that you are pouring your creative feminine energy into what you don't want. And while we have been led to believe that there is virtue in the ache or that the pain somehow validates us as women, the greater the ache, the more of your creative feminine power you are wasting.
Decide instead, Hutmata, to engage your feminine on the journey....
Fear of not having a child has been the driver in patriarchy. When you are Engaging the Feminine® on your fertility journey, it's the desire and creation that call you forward.
So you navigate along your path, not with dread, fear or aching to have a baby (giving power to patriarchy) - but with curiosity, intrigue and excitement instead (in your feminine power).
Like a little girl stepping forward with wonder because something lovely wants to be explored and revealed. Your journey feels more like an invitation in which one step flows naturally into the next. Regardless of your age. Because that's where life is calling you.
So give yourself permission to hang the ache on the patriarchal clothes line. Allow it to wave in the wind a few times before it dries through. And then decide if you really want that garment to be in your motherhood closet. Because fertility ache can easily evolve into motherhood ache.
My sense Hutmata, is that it is time to fold it up and give it back. It has served you well and inspired this co-creation (blog post) here. But it's time to engage your feminine wisdom now so you can show up as the happy woman and mother you were born to be!
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