It was easy enough for me to get pregnant, to conceive. The challenge I had was that my pregnancies resulted in miscarriage. This audio /article was created in response to the question below from Edel .
It is not an article about getting pregnant that will explore 'how to get pregnant positions' or 'how to get pregnant with twins' (even though I did have twins). But it does contain value for any woman planning on having a baby after 40.
It considers factors that are overlooked in the patriarchal approach to fertility but that really matter to a woman and her ability to welcome motherhood.
What do you feel changed for you, Deirdre, so that you could have children?
I feel that many things shifted for me Edel. And even my understanding of that has expanded over time. I would say that, the initial major changes for me were around the following:
I had moved from Ireland (I'm Irish) to Spain to be with Julian and was very much in love. But I was used to living in green, in nature, being very close to nature and seeing it all the time.
In Spain, we lived just a few minutes away from a gorgeous beach. But when I looked out the window, all I could see were buildings and concrete. I was not feeling good at all in my physical environment. It didn't feel beautiful for me.
It didn't nourish a part of me that was really fundamental. My vision always had been that I would get pregnant and have my children in nature. And while the logical part of me was moving forward to get pregnant (because of that ticking biological clock), my feminine wisdom was holding on to what was really mattered to me as a woman.
.That was one change I made to get pregnant and have my babies. Allowing myself to honor that I didn't feel good in my environment and start looking for a new home..
The second change I made to get pregnant and have my babies was related. It was about being with people I felt good with. In order for us to thrive as a couple and create a new family, it felt very important that we would move away from Julian's family.
While my voice was not saying that clearly initially, my body was for sure. And my beautiful feminine wisdom was not not going ahead with the pregnancies because my energy was taken up with trying to remain positive in a challenging environment.
I knew in my heart that if was to thrive as a mother, as a woman and in our relationship, that this distance was necessary. Articulating that and honouring the wisdom of those desires was the second major change I made so I could get pregnant and have my babies.
The third change I made to get pregnant and have my babies was around boundaries in my own life with my own history. When I moved to Spain, for many people it was, "Great, Deirdre's in Spain, let's visit her."
I knew that I wasn't really able for that. Initially, I thought "Not yet, but I will invite them." But the feeling in my heart was "that's not really what I want to do". It felt heavy for me.
So a big part of my journey was allowing myself to express those feminine truths that I needed:
In all those three pieces, it was me listening to my feminine wisdom and honouring my true feelings. I was moving away from those patriarchal loyalties of having to be a certain way for his family or my family/friends and creating feminine space for something new to be born which was ours.
I knew that if I continued down the same path (trying to be the good partners/daughter-in-law/friend according to patriarchy), that I couldn't become a mother. At least not the kind of mother that I yearned to be. That became very clear on my fertility journey.
So there you have my response to your question Edel! I hope there is lots of value in it for you and that it triggers something that can help you to flower as the woman and mother you came here to be!